Last week my son turned one. It’s been crazy how quick a year has gone by and I understand why everyone says don’t blink.

I am at the age now where I always know multiple friends and family who either just had a kid or are expecting.

This got me thinking about knowing what I know now, how would I spend the first year of fatherhood.

The first year is hard

• Sleepless nights

• Losing your sense of self

• Fighting with your spouse

• Feeling like you are invisible

But when I see other parents looking at me with a baby, they’re envious. They miss the days of their kids being so small. They miss the days of being able to hold their child while they sleep. Or watching their child try to crawl or walk.

Here are my top 5 recommendations to new dads:

1. Find Something To Own

There will be a lot of things that the mom takes lead on with the baby. There are responsibilities that only the mom can do like breastfeeding. This can make the dad feel like they aren’t needed.

Find something that you can fully own and don’t need the mom asking you to do.

• Diapers

• Bath time

• Mornings

• Sleep routine

• Bottle feeding

Pick a few of these and take full ownership of them. The mom will love the initiative and it will also help you bond with your child.

2. Don’t Keep Score

The first year is hard. You’re going to be tired and stress will be put on both you and the mom. The worst thing you can do is try to keep count of all the things you do vs the mom.

You will always better remember things you do and forget things they do. It will always feel like you’re doing more. Keeping score is a losing battle and it never helps.

Even if you bring up to the mom all the things you’re doing, she can always come back with that she carried the baby for 9 months. You will always lose that argument so don’t even try.

3. You’ll Feel Useless

When my son was first born, I didn’t know how to change a diaper. I watched how the nurses did it and asked them to show me how.

There will be days where you don’t know what to do. Baby is crying, you’re not sure why.

Usually babies cry because they’re hungry, need to be changed or tired.

Try one each of those things and see if that makes a difference.

1. Change them

2. Feed them

3. Rock them to sleep

It won’t solve all cases and there will still be difficult ones, but it will solve most.

4. Don’t Lose Yourself

When you have kids, your free time drops exponentially. It feels like you have no more time to yourself and start to lose your identity.

It’s hard, but you need to continue to find time to do things that you like. You will need to make trade-offs. Maybe you watch less TV or less scrolling your phone. But make sure to spend time on things you actually enjoy.

There are certain hobbies that become your identity. Things like

• Chess

• Sports

• Running

• Reading

Write down a list of things you like and stick to them.

5. Soak It In

The nights are going to feel long. The days you will be tired and struggling to push through.

A few years from now you are going to kill to have these back.

• Baby sleeping on your chest

• Tiny fingers holding your hand

It’s hard to feel it in the moment, but these are the start of the best days of your life. Enjoy them while you can and don’t let the tough times get you down.

When you look at other parents, they envy new parents for having babies. They miss when their kids were that little. Keep enjoying it.

Being a parent is tough, but it’s one of the most rewarding things you can do.

You won’t always be perfect, you will make a lot of mistakes.

The best thing you can do is be present and keep showing up.

That’s what being a Modern Man is