For men there is a tough balance that comes from spending time with kids vs your work.

Men who don’t try to push ahead in their jobs are seen as lazy and lacking ambition. Even if it’s a man who is spending more time with his family, society still does not understand that tradeoff.

This comes even more to a head, with men who have new born children.

Many US companies offer between 2-3 months of paternity leave. On average men take 2-3 weeks of paternity leave. Something is off here and that gap is costing fathers the bond they’re desperate for.

For dads, this is the best time to bond with his newborn.

The problem is, there is still a stigma for men taking time off work for paternity leave. A man who takes the full time is seen as lazy at their job and not hard working. Society says they don’t care enough about their job and are trying to take advantage of the system.

This thinking hurts everyone.

It’s great that more and more companies are offering longer paternity leave to men. This is the best way to get dads more involved in their kids lives. But there is mixed feelings from men who had kids 5-10 years ago and didn’t have this type of benefit.

Some men are excited that new dads get more time with their kids and are able to get that bonding time. Other men are jealous of the time that new dads get and find any way to discount or criticize the dads who take the time.

It’s hard for older dads to see new dads get opportunities that they didn’t get, but they can’t take that out on new dads. They need to support the new dads, not hold it against them.

The bonding a man gets with this newborn child is unmatched during this time. More men need to be encouraged to take this time or we’ll continue to see problems of dads relationship with kids continuing in from the previous generations to the future ones.

Bonding with the baby starts before they’re born, but pregnancy bond is hard on men.

The first bonding a dad can have with the baby is during pregnancy. You’re excited when you find out that the mom is pregnant. You also realize how long the process is until you will meet the baby.

You see the ultrasound and see the little baby that’s growing in your wife’s belly.

You try to feel the connection with the baby, but something feels like it’s missing. Everyone says this is the best time of your life, but you know something is wrong.

You try touching your wife’s stomach to feel a kick. She says “try now!” You put your hand on her stomach and she says “did you feel that?”

You don’t, but you want to. You say you felt a little bit, but you know it isn’t true. You’re dying to feel the connection with the baby, but it’s not there. It’s eating you inside and you’re hoping for that bond.

Once the baby is born, that’s when it’s Dad’s time to shine. You get to feel the baby in your arms. You get to have the baby sleep on your chest. You’re able to take care of the baby.

This is why paternity leave is so important for men.

But too many men don’t take enough time. They take minimum because they’re worried about hurting their career. That isn’t enough to build a bond with the child.

Parenting in the first few weeks is hard. The baby isn’t sleeping much and the parents are both exhausted. Many moms are recovering from child birth and need the help from the dad.

Going back to work after a few weeks makes it exponentially harder to build that early bond. The mom then takes over, leading to the dad working and the mom taking care of the baby. We’re back to the old stereotypes.

Dads need to be fully engrained in the child’s life from the start to build that bond. They’ll be behind in the bonding from pregnancy, but that doesn’t mean they can’t catch-up

If the mom had a c-section, this means the dad is needed even more. The mom is recovering from a major surgery and needs the help.

From my own experience, it took my wife almost 2 months to be back to herself and able to bend over and pick-up our son out of the crib.

The dad is crucial during these months, but most dads are already back at work.

Something companies are offering is being able to split up paternity leave into multiple periods. This is a game-changer for dads being able to bond with their kids.

You can spend 1-2 months with the baby at first, then be able to take more time later.

With most modern couples both working, when the mom goes back to work, the dad can take leave with the baby.

Then it’s all day of the dad taking care of the baby. There is no better bonding time than that.

When I was home with my son on paternity leave, I would take him to the library multiple times a week, take him to museums, the zoo, anything I could think of. I would even take him on all errands to get him out of the house.

The opportunities are endless and they all help a dad bond with his child.

The more we encourage men to take paternity leave, the better the bonds they will build with their kids. It shouldn’t be a stigma to take leave because dads before didn’t have it.

If we want men to be more involved in the kids life, we need to encourage them to take time off during these precious years.

Companies need to continue to give longer paternity leaves, while society needs to be comfortable with men taking the time. Other men need to not be judgmental about dads taking time to spend it with their kids

When we do this, when companies extend leave, society stops judging men, and men support each other, we give dads the bond they’re constantly looking for.

That’s how the modern man gets ahead. That’s how the modern man rises.